hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
