I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My penis needs a shock collar
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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