1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
