my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
