If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
