Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
