Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
