They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i think i just lost a toe
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
