I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
