dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Randomize
