I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
