You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Success! We fucked roommates!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
