I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize