im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
