yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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