party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
