Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
