it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
