return my video game
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
