I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
