20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
