she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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