Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
