Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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