Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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