My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You left your phone here
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