The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
