Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
