woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize