ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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