i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
