I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize