I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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