this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am midnight drunk by noon
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
