my phone needs a breathalizer
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Are we still banned from the library?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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