I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize