Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
