Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
