he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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