i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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