I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
