i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize