Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
