I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
