I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
zippers are such a cool invention
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
