So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
ttyl tear gas
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
