There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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