I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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