He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
