Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
