I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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