If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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