i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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