Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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