Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
