the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
