I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
its liver damage thursday
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
