I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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