Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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