When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
