Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
